Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
