Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
where are you?
Hypothermia
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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