Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.