i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.