I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.