WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor