I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
