guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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