just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
