Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
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My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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