So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
