I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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