I cut my penus on the lid.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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