its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
