Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
