Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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