know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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