If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
