my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize