she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
