I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
