I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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