It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
