I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
did i walk over a car last night?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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