My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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