Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
