my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
