C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
