Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
