she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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