you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
