her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
