you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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