I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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