were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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