No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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