She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
