Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Someone shit on the floor
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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