I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
