is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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