From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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