About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
