You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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