Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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