PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
