Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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