Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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