if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
