I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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