And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
