my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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