It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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