the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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