so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
