Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
