I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
