I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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