Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Couch. On fire.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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