Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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