You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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