shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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