i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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