i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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