Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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