Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
