I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
