i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
