This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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